You only know you love him when you let him go
by Fezzes at 221b
Summary: "I'll still watch over you..." he rasped out and Dean fell on the man, sobbing into his chest, where a deep red stain was spreading. The trench coat was ruined.


**Warning: Feels.**

Dean was never able to say what he wanted to say to Castiel until it was too late.

(Far too late. Dean had been a coward)

Castiel had been human for around a month, and insisted on going on hunts with Dean and Sam, despite the fact that he couldn't hunt or heal or help them. He spent most of the hunt sitting in whatever sleazy motel room they had gotten with unexplained stains on the walls and floors and sheets, flicking through books to help them in whatever way he could.

He had only come out of the motel to help them hunt this witch

(they had been certain it was a witch, it had all of the signs.)

Dean had insisted Cas came on this one, because it'd looked like he would be stuck as a human for the foreseeable future and while Dean and Sam were helping him with weapon-training, he thought it would be better if Cas had some first-hand experience.

(he was an idiot. A total idiot)

It had been a witch and a rogue vampire, the witch trapping prey for her boyfriend, and they were putting the blood-dry bodies in the cellar.

While Dean had been distracted by the witch and Sam was trying to find the right hex bag to undo the spell on a rather portly middle-aged man, they both forgot about the vampire and Cas (they weren't used to having the ang- human with them)until a screech stopped all of them in their tracks. The witch started laughing at Dean's stricken face and trying not to think about the worst-case scenario, he managed to stab the witch just as Sam figured out how to stop the man and in a matter of minutes they were both sprinting towards where the scream had come from.

(No, no, no, no, no, no)

"Cas!" Dean roared, throwing a silver knife at the vampire which let out an unearthly screech, and ran into the woods, probably to find his girlfriend.

The boys let it run, both dropping to their knees next to the prone body on the floor.

Cas had a massive wound, there was so much blood that they hardly knew where it was coming from. Cas lifted a hand, soaked in blood and his face scrunched up.

(This was all his fault, why had he insisted?)

"It's... Different... To Grace." he said and Dean sobbed, Sam looking over the body of their best friend at his brother, his brows furrowed and tears in his eyes.

"It's okay, Cas. We'll patch you up, done so many times. It's fine, it's fine." Cas rested his hand on Dean's cheek, silencing him.

"Don't worry Dean." he said, and a single tear ran down the side of his face, disappearing into his hair.

"I'll..." the dying man's breath caught and Sam's hand fluttered uselessly around Cas' side. He couldn't help. No angels would answer his prayers to come down and heal the fallen angel.

"I'll still watch over you..." he rasped out and Dean fell on the man, sobbing into his chest, where a deep red stain was spreading. The trench coat was ruined.

"Sam," Cas managed, and Sam looked at his face, surprised that he was using his last breaths to talk to him, he was the boy with demon blood. He was nothing compared to Dean.

"I didn't mean what I said, when we first met..." The ex-angel sucked in a breath and Sam leaned closer, one hand on Dean's shaking back.

"It's okay Cas. I forgive you. Just-just hold on, you'll be okay." Sam said, voice thick. Tears were falling down his cheeks. They were all crying, the man dying in front of them was pretty much their only friend.

"I've lost too much, Cas... Not you.." Dean choked and Sam drew back, letting the two have a moment as he ran through his mind for anything that could help the man.

(Don't leave me Cas. I've lost everything, everyone. I don't know what I would do if I lost you too.)

Then something flicked in Dean's head and he realised that this was it.

He would never be able to talk to Cas again. Not until he died.

He had to tell him.

"Cas, Cas, listen buddy, c'mon."

He felt his friend's (except it was more than that. It had always been more than that, profound bond and all that. But there was still something more than even that.) pulse flicker under his fingers as he brushed them against Cas' wrist.

"Dean. Wait."

"Wait, Cas, I want... I need to tell you something. I love you."

Dean heard Sam suck in a breath behind him, and more tears fell onto the injured man's chest, mixing with blood.

Castiel, Fallen Angel Of The Lord, the Rebeller, the One Angel With Free Will, took his last breath, a tiny smile on his pale face, his pulse fluttering to a stop.

Dean felt it, in the back of his mind, in his heart and let a wail.

Sam rocked back on his haunches, knowing from how Dean fell forward, sobbing freely into their friend's slick-with-blood trench coat. That it was over.

Team Free Will was no more.

Dean gathered the slumped body of Castiel in his arms, rocking backwards and forwards in grief, his trousers becoming sodden with blood and mud, as they sat, listlessly in the middle of a clearing in rural America.

(No, no, no, no, no, no, don't leave me Cas. Don't go please)

He thinks its in his head, he's praying hard to the angel that Cas isn't anymore, but it's coming rushing out of his mouth, muffling in Cas' muddy hair, as Dean weeps, loud and ugly and full of regret and pain and mourning.

"I love you Cas, no, no. Please, come back I love you I love you I _need_ you, Cas,"

 **Ahem, sorry? Leave a comment if you liked it. Please don't kill me.**

 **title from Let Her Go, by Passenger.**

 **You guys are awesome, and I really like that shirt you're wearing, it suits you (...I hope your wearing a shirt)**

 **Fez.**


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